You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
