Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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