goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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