Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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