the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
