the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
