He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
