I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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