Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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