So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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