Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
