That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
