Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
