final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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