why didn't you poke me back
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
