This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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