i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
