Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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