You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
