you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
