i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
