If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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