Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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