So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
