yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
