Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
