I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His hands were made for my vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
