Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
