she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
