Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
