sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
