Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
