I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
