she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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