i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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