mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
