wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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