omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
