fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
