the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
