Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
