The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
