What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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