You can't motorboat a personality
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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