whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
