Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
