47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
