There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
