can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
