My brain says no but my pants say off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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