My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
MIDGETS
????
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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