I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
