it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
