There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
