I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
